Hopeful.....

Well the beer run was great for 7 days, but I need to go back on track with that. Recently I have checked myself into therapy, for myself. As I was saying in my last blog about paranoia and anger destroying what you have, it really does. I recently had a break up with a wonderful person that had only treated me so good, the reason for this break up was because of this anger issue and how it started to hurt the other person as well as it was hurting me....I still have very strong feelings about this person but all has changed now for him but I understand why...anyway it took a loving man to actually make me see what is really going on with me on the inside which was the anger and paranoia that I had for no reason at all this time around. I finally realized how it destroyed and is destroying my life all clearly now. So I figured that because I still strive to stand in this world, I needed to take a big step for my self and get the help I really need. To most that seems embarrassing, but to be honest it isn't embarrassing at all, it shouldn't be if you want to make everything good for yourself. I know I cant changed whats been done, but I really need and want to just move forward. I had my first therapy session last Wednesday, so far it did help me quite a bit with that anger, where when I have been working, nobody has been bothering me with any type of strange look or any comments made, so hopefully when I keeps going to this session on Wednesdays, it will get even better for me, and hopefully I can look into a mirror and not sit there and say bad things about myself anymore and see what my past lover and friends see that is good. The therapist told me to just say STOP every time I say terrible things about myself. It does work but I still need work on that. This will take a long time. I also want to forgive those that hurt me even though they are still rotten to me and I want to forgive myself and just move on from the past that has haunted me for so long. I don't want to be my own worst enemy anymore, hell I never did but without trying to help myself and being good to me made it that way. SO as for my MOOD.....My mood is HOPEFUL. :)

Finally finally learning this on my own(I guess you can hear it through the mouth of others and you can comprehend it just fine...easier said then done though....until you start seeing it your self it a clear mind).....Well you know...you get into an awesome relationship with someone you feel that you can actually trust (they can be your only true love)...but sometimes it MAY end, not because of the things your so worried about, but more that fact that your not accepting that everything is going so good and that this person isn't like all the rest and your not letting that person love you. Your not letting things be so good at all because you will always think history will repeat itself and not enjoying what is there, your just flushing it down the toilet with your paranoia and crude thoughts on everyone in your lovers life. And all of this will make them turn away from the feelings they had about you that were very good because you keep turning their stomach with all these questions and retarded thoughts that probably not real to begin with.

The moral of this story is: history repeating is not always the case of a break up...its the fact that your not letting that one person make you happy because you are being a damn paranoid dumb ass. Not everyone is the same..... And if you don't control the paranoia...it is what damages you the worst. You cant really fix what has been damaged but you CAN control it and accept it in a good learning processed and just move on! But how can I? I guess just live and let love take its toll even if your life is in the darkness. Yeah I guess I am really noting this to myself.

Silent Hill - Always On My Mind (from Shattered Memories)

This song is dedicated to the Last bit of Light that keeps the Universe in my mind still going strong without letting it go anymore or letting the wrong people take it from me no more. Layman's terms, Im speaking about my son, this whole song is the reality of the issue. It is his Birthday today. Happy Birthday TLS. I will be here when you do need me.

Well it does seem to look promising but I still dont like the fact that they are still moving on without Akira Yamaoka's beautiful music, dont know if Mary McGlynn will have anything to do with this one either, and not only that they are still making the designs like the SH movie. I like the move and all but still. And no I didn't like Shattered Memories after playing it four times, because of the fact that Climax made it seem like it was all in Cheryl"s head and that Harry really died. I don't like the new approach at all even though its just a re-image, but I will not get into that conversation here. And yes I am one of those snotty ass OLD Silent Hill fans all the way back in 99' yep, love way Team Silent had the Silent Hill stories better. And NO one can ever ever ever top Akira's music in Silent Hill ever, those soundtracks is what made the series, not just so alarmingly haunting but beautiful at the same time just like the beautiful imagery of the town itself and every characters & monsters background plots and story line that Team Silent did.Even with Silent Hill the Room, was suppose to be a non Silent Hill Game at first , but was scrapped into one instead, and I still love it even though there could have much more done to it and more depth to the story line then what was. I will say I did like SH Homecoming, but that was because of Akira's music and Alex's storyline, those were the only good things about the game, the graphics were pretty much take from the SH movie. They could have kept it like the OLD Silent Hill, but they didn't and using Pyramid-head as a money maker made a lot of us Fans very angry because PH has a special existence not just some money maker monster

Yes because I have to play every SH game, I will give this new SH game a try. But Im not going to hold my breath and have any high expectations because Silent Hill died off when Team Silent left the project, it was just that Akira Yamaoka's work and Joe and Mary McGlynns voice is what kept us older fans still going. Trying to believe that Silent Hill could still stick around, but now that is NO DICE.

BTW, Im so stoked about the Mortal Kombat 9 game, it looks like it will feel like playing the older games only with new tech of course, the graphic look so wickedly sharp and all the good fatalities, hell yeah, my fav character would be Scorpion. Though I would also like to see another StreetFighter game as well.Though Im not really thrilled about the Mortal Kombat Rebirth movie pitch right now, but maybe I'll think differently later.